Nesting just…part two

She…
My soul hopes to meet Her
on the other side when the battle subsides,
when the smoke settles.
She, who will be the victor,
I have questions for that One –
killer, pinning questions.

How could this moment even come about
in light of my previously and proudly proclaimed ambivalence
to the world around me?

I am the picture of introversion.
There is no soldier in me; certainly
no General leading anything resembling a charge.
I have questions for that one, for Her.
How did She become an integral part me?

I have meticulously, carefully cultivated what I thought was my true
inner center. Turns out I have only nurtured self-indulgence
and self-aggrandized “knowledge.”
This new-to-me self is too intense and revealing, almost too intense to tolerate.
It demands my attention; I can no longer linger unconcerned.

I imagine bursting from my Self Center,
to emerge on the other side blinking at the shameful
relevance of wasted time, horrified by the bondage of my inaction;
exposed at last by the light my actions generate; I am released by my actions.

We are witnesses to the purest definition of chaos,
as we sit here side by side;

I no longer hide in nested matryoshkas –
hard shelled vessels, sporting intricate designs for the purpose of distraction.
Subterfuge the goal, heavily lacquered to protect the secreted inner personas.

I am tired of avoiding the fight; tired of hiding,
secreted within layers of a persona within another –
Shells –
it is exhausting and can no longer carry on, living buried.
I am required to engage
the fight;
to join Her…
revealing our inner light.